Decay
by Sakura Blackwolf
Summary: One-shot, dark, shounen ai - Gojyo comes home from the local bar one day..and it seems he's drunk too much. (Gojyo+Hakkai)


Disclaimer: Gensomaden Saiyuki belongs to Minekura Kazuya.  
  
Well, this fic is only one-shot..and short. And dark, and angsty, and-  
  
Set before the Sanzo-ikkou left for Tenjiku and a few months after Gonou's "death" and Hakkai "birth."  
  
Shounen ai - Gojyo+Hakkai..uh, kinda  
  
  
Decay  
  
  
by Sakura Blackwolf(Doc)  
  
  
Feed me to the darkness as you unlock the chambers of my heart  
To rush the light inside, only for it to slip through the cracks and run away  
Darkness eats at my soul and chokes on the blood  
My body decays into broken ashes, and I'm swept away by the breeze  
  
  
Hakkai waited paitenly by the coffee table for Gojyo's return. The redhead had left hours earlier to the local bar and was expected to return around this hour. That is, if he hadn't passed out. The brunet settled into the couch cushions, occasionally looking at the clock. He knew by now that Gojyo would, when he came back, throw open the door and drag himself in. At that point, Hakkai would help him to bed, undress him for further comfort, then sleep on the couch the rest of the night. He didn't mind sleeping on the couch though. Gojyo bought a futon to rest upon, but he didn't want to possibly wake to a hungover Gojyo, nor bother him, despite the fact he normally awoke earlier than the redhead.  
  
He had been living with this man for months now, nearly a year. Hakkai truly didn't know what he could do without the half-youkai's assistance. Well, first of all, he'd still be Gonou. Second, he'd be dead in the nearby forest, his body decayed into the dirt. Sometimes, the brunet didn't know whether or not to fully thank Gojyo for this rescue.  
  
At one point, yes, he did want to see the interior of Hell. To enter into a section of Sheol as a soul, and plummel further with both his body and soul into the fires of Gehenna, where he would burn for eternity. To see Lucifer's smile and lovely black wings, the darkness that was his clothes clinging to his illuminated skin. Beautiful.  
  
Hakkai's eyes focused back on the clock. From its perch on the wall, it read '11:40 PM'. The man frowned a little, but shrugged it off.  
  
Maybe before he wanted to see this rebel angel that had fallen from the great heights of Heaven. Maybe, but now it didn't matter as much. Now, he had Gojyo to keep his hands from slipping off the imaginary, floating island he found himself clinging to. Below was the abyss, above was a bloodshot sky. To his even gaze though, was a pair of red eyes staring at him with a look that feigned love.  
  
And maybe he could feel the cold grip of hands trying to drag him into the pit below, and maybe he could hear the oblivious golden birds fluttering about, singing their precious songs. But that look he would always find in front of him whenever he'd look back up or down, to either Heaven or Hell.  
  
Whenever he was alone, Hakkai would question his relationship with Gojyo. He knew, the redhead probably did not love him the way he loved the half-youkai. It was the same kind of love that got Kanan killed. No, he wouldn't mind if it were he inside that prison, a cold knife to his pulsing neck. Oh, the warm blood that would splash upon his terrible hands and cover every inch of his skin, to seep and dry into his pores. How the heat would slowly run away from his body and lift from his flesh. The hot blood freezing and hardening over his form and over the equally cold floor. And how he would collaspe upon that floor, feeling the stone press a chill into his veins, through his heart and into his arteries.  
  
The hard tapping of heavy rain would reach his ears, which would slowly waver the sound until it seemed dreamy. Bold lines would blur, details would shatter. And he would wonder, 'Was this another dream? Is everything I'm touching real? What is living really?'  
  
Questions that would never be answered.  
  
And when the castle burns, his skin would melt like plastic. Holes would be punctured, as though he were plastic. The steaming flesh that would fall like candle wax on the floor would spread and crisp as it touches the pulsing fire. The dried blood would chip and blacken until it is nothing but feather-light ashes. And he'd be gone, fallen off the floating piece of land he considered his life, and into a place where he'd burn even more for his sins.  
  
Such a death that Hakkai had once wished for. But no, the garnet eyes suddenly peered into his life and made a home upon the island he still hung onto. As first, he thought he was going to die after he escaped the castle. Into the cold rain, where he collasped, a long trail of blood left behind. His skin torn badly at the stomach, and the sky's tears draining and sucking any sort of warmth he had left on him. And all he could think of was, Kanan. His beautiful, beautiful sister, whom had been taken against her will as a sacrifice. Whom was raped, and later in her cold cell, had taken the unforgiving knife from his belt and ran the blade through her lovely neck. The pale skin that seeped with scarlet, carrying the girl's life away with it as it spread and ran through old cracks. Would it have come to this, even if he had loved her like he was supposed to?  
  
  
Hakkai looked at the time-teller once more. 12:35 AM. Where was Gojyo?  
  
As if on cue, the redhead swung the front door open tiredly, yet forcefully. His lanky form was pressed against the doorframe, his eyes half-lidded and glossed over. Hakkai hurriedly moved over from his spot on the couch to support the half-youkai's weight.  
  
"Come, Gojyo. Let's get you to bed so you can sleep."  
  
Instead of obeying though, Gojyo shoved the man away roughly, a dark look fluttered through his crimson gaze. Hakkai's eyebrows furrowed. "Gojyo, you need to rest. You probably drank a lot tonight."   
  
Instead, the taller man remained unmoving, seeming to glare at the brunet until he shifted. And shifted only to push the other man against the couch, hard enough to back him fall back on the cushions. Confused green eyes stared up to the scarlet-haired man.  
  
"Gojyo, what's wrong? Did something happen at the bar? Are you hurt?"  
  
That was when the half-youkai's smirk broke out, a twist of the mouth that was in no way pleasant.  
  
"Do you think I'm weak, Hakkai? Do you think I can't take care of myself? I'm no fucking baby, you know. I'm not a child." The green-eyed man's eyebrows narrowed, the stench of a heavy amount of alcohol in the air. It seemed that Gojyo decided to drink much more than he usually did, and it brought out a side of the redhead Hakkai was sure was always kept hidden.  
  
"I know you can take care of yourself, Gojyo. But, you're highly intoxicated." He started to lift himself onto his elbows, swinging his legs off the armrest. "I-" His words were abruptly cut off as he was grabbed by the front of the shirt and forced into a bruising kiss by the other man. Hakkai felt his stomach moan in discomfort as the alcoholic stink came into his nostrils. Not that he hated alcohol, but this much was overwhelming. The brunet felt a hand grip onto his hair roughly as Gojyo bit his lower lip, drawing fresh blood that the half-youkai lapped away. Hakkai struggled to push the redhead away, but Gojyo was always dominating in the areas of strength. He was pushed back on the couch, where the other straddled his hips.  
  
Hands gently touched his neck, and lips lightly brushed over his own as Gojyo whispered, "You worry too much, that's why you're not needed. I don't need you, Gonou."   
  
The words stung his heart and left a trail of bitterness behind. He was not needed?  
  
Hakkai barely had time to contemplate on that, when suddenly the redhead's hands forced themselves hard on his neck. He felt oxygen heaved out of him, and oxygen harshly sucked in. His eyes bulged wide with terror, as his lungs strained for more air. It felt horribly blocked against his windpipe and he heard the sounds of his choked screams. Saliva was attempting to force itself down his throat, but ended up down the side of his open mouth. His teeth clenched and gritted and Hakkai could feel a wetness wandering up to the sides of his eyes. His lips were dry and his face was turning blue. He tried to suck in oxygen, just a little, but failed. His vision was dimming and the darkness crept along the sides of his eyes. The world was blurring, spinning. His head was hurting, wavering. His life was slipping, fading.  
  
Until Gojyo let go.  
  
Gratefully, Hakkai sucked in a heavy amount of air as half-youkai lifted himself off. Weary green eyes were able to see the redhead move toward the hall behind him, before the crimson left his sight.  
  
He wasn't needed?  
  
Pulling himself up, the brunet padded toward the bathroom where he stared at the clear reflection of his tired face. Gripping one edge of the counter with his left, Hakkai let the collar to his shirt slide open. Red marks on both sides of the pale column that would likely bruise in the morning. Lightly touching the dents to his skin, the man let his right grip the other side of the counter. His head hung forward.  
  
He wasn't needed?  
  
He could feel his fingers slipping from the island and into the abyss, the scarlet eyes mocking him from above. But Gojyo was drunk, he didn't know what he was doing. And he had called him Gonou. Gonou was long since dead.   
  
He wouldn't mention this event to the other, and would keep it a secret. The alcohol was more than likely to erase the redhead's memory of that night anyway.  
  
  
The morning after, he was in for a shock. After Gojyo had taken the aspirin to his hangover, he had approached Hakkai while he was setting up breakfast and by the shirt, pulled him closer. He opened the collar only and traced the bruises that marred the pretty skin, much to Hakkai's surprise. And he had pressed a light kiss to the brunet's lips and held him close, words of apology unspoken. And the green-eyed man just smiled that sad smile against the other's shoulder.  
  
"I didn't mean what I said, Hakkai. I need you here."  
  
"But Gojyo, you were adressing Gonou. Gonou is dead."   
  
  
The End  
  
I need you here, to keep me sane.  
  
  
-- Sakura Blackwolf(Doc), December 28th, 2002 


End file.
